seven seconds
by clintnat
Summary: "Barton's been compromised." It tears her world apart. Those three words uttered by Agent Coulson have her traveling five years back in time- what seems like an eternity, and all that she can feel is her heart breaking once again.


**For Karen, my bitter co-clintnat queen, because we spend way too much time having angst-offs. (Also, happy belated birthday!)**

 **Yes, this is *slightly* AoU compliant, and while I absolutely hate Avengers: Alternate OOC Universe, there's a lot of clintnat angst that can be played around with because of it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _"Barton's been compromised."_

It tears her world apart. Those three words uttered by Agent Coulson have her traveling five years back in time- what seems like an eternity flashing in a mere seven seconds, and all that she can feel is her heart breaking once again.

First, it's the white. People are gathered everywhere, white lace and bouquets of flowers littering the room and she watches as Clint takes the hand of a dark haired woman with a smile on her face, his own not entirely genuine. Natasha downs a shot of tequila and tries to keep her lip from quivering.

Next, it's the black and white photograph pinned to the bulletin board in his SHIELD quarters nine days later. The image is grainy, not much to see, and a look of terror crosses his face when he tells her about the heartbeat behind the blur. She insists that he'll be a great father, the honest to God truth and congratulates him, not quite meaning it. The corners of Natasha's eyes sting in the moments that her best friend can't see.

Finally, she sees red- hurt and anger. They're practically screaming at each other inside of an interrogation room after debriefing, full on knowing that Agents Coulson and May are behind the glass. Clint asks her why she's doing this to him, why she's punishing him and Natasha can't help that the words, "I could ask you the same" fall from her lips.

And that's the end of it.

They work together when they have to- they're still the best damn team that SHIELD has ever seen, but that's where it stops. They take as many missions apart as possible, avoiding each other at all costs. There are no more movie nights, no more stolen smiles, and Clint stops inviting her to family events and holiday dinners- it's a nice gesture at first, but she never accepts anyway so he gives up. He moves on with his life- the one created out of obligation, while Natasha feels as though she's at a standstill. She doesn't mind it, really, at least that's what she tells herself as one year turns into two, and two into three and eventually she's away more than at headquarters while Clint has a second kid, a girl this time, and Laura's convinced him to buy a farm; something that Natasha knows he secretly hates.

Years pass and avoidance becomes almost too easy, the longing almost dismissible, but Natasha would be the first to admit that Clint still knows her better than anyone, and maybe, she knows him just as well.

So, when Phil Coulson, handler and friend to the both of them pulls out all the stops to relay to her that Clint Barton, her once best friend and the man that she loved (or maybe still _loves_ ) is in mortal danger, Natasha's entire world comes crashing to a halt. It's selfish and she knows it, but in that moment, it's not the wife or the son or the daughter that are on her mind, it's not the idea of the family that she knows he never really wanted losing him that she thinks of, it's herself. It's all of the words that she should have said but never did- the words that she never thought she could say.

 _"Natasha. Barton's been compromised,"_ she repeats in her mind, not for the first time catching the way Phil's voice quiets at the end and the ache in his tone. It rivals her own- the pain that she knows he's experiencing for the man he considers a brother and Natasha's chest feels heavy; she wants to scream, she wants to break down, she wants to fight. For him. She has to.

"Let me put you on hold."

* * *

 **If you didn't catch this, "seven seconds" is about the amount of time that it takes the dialogue "Natasha, Barton's been compromised." and "Let me put you on hold." to happen.**

 **Reviews are very much appreciated!**


End file.
